How to be Love in Action
“You made me do it!” How many times have you heard this phrase from a child? If you have kids, perhaps several times a day. Do you know what the “blame game” looks like among adults? It’s not as obvious but it’s there and the truth is, adults must own responsibility. It is the job of parents, teachers, coaches, and caregivers to create a safe space for growth and learning.
That’s one of the many important foundational lessons Micheline Green, M.Ed., PCC, Integral Master Coach™ and Founder of The Executive Parenting Process, teaches her clients. Green has 30 years of experience with children and trauma. She began her career as a student counselor for Waldorf and Montessori schools and evolved into a coach specializing in conscious parenting and executive leadership. Recently, I interviewed Green on The Happy Life Agenda podcast to deep dive into what Green calls “love in action,” or the skills and tools to be resilient, whole and liberated from the patterns and trappings of the past.
During the interview, my heart grew heavy when she related a story about adults blaming a child for his/her behavior over problem solving internally. How many times have we, as adults, blamed our children for their behavior when they don’t know anything different than what they see before them?
As my daughter has grown, I have had to come face to face with that mirror many, many times. As long as I remain honest with myself, I know that she is mirroring her environment, and her environment is primarily our home. Our home includes her, my husband and me. In other homes that might include siblings, grandparents, or other extended family. Some kids spend more time with a caretaker or family friend. Wherever that child spends time, their behavior reflects.
There is a lot of S.H.I.T., as Green puts it, in any home.
S.H.I.T. stands for stress, habits, irritations, and triggers.
Wading through the S.H.IT.
As adults, stress, habits, irritations and triggers are part of daily life. Most are autonomic. Unless you have done the work to bring a level of consciousness to your thoughts and behaviors, this is what your kid observes down to the tiniest detail. When the S.H.I.T. is exposed, they pick up on it—good or bad.
As Green explains, these autonomic responses are often based in fear. She works with men and women to unlock these fears, sits with them in the discomfort and supports them in emerging as love in action.
While everyone knows what love is, over the lifespan, love begins to become conditional, the heart closes when someone hurts you or makes you angry. This causes a loss in connection and, therefore, missed opportunities—including how you show up for your children. Green teaches people to keep their heart open even when there is a disagreement or a challenging moment, like when your child misbehaves.
Claim Your Calling
Of course, step one to all of this is being open or as Green says, “claim your calling.” Green has developed a program called Claim Your Calling where her clients embark upon the deep inner work required to unlock the fears, traumas, and beliefs holding you back. Green has a distinct process for this that leverages interoception, a process that plays a crucial role in maintaining homeostasis, regulating emotions and understanding your physical and mental states. Through her work, Green goes deep, becoming the parent that never loved you unconditionally, creating the safe space to expose the fear, trauma, and/or emotions that may be preventing you from loving yourself, being present in your life and being present for your kids.
What can You do Differently Today?
Even if you feel like you don’t have the time, money, or resources for coaching with an expert, you can look inward all on your own—for the sake of yourself and your child.
No one is perfect. It is a good exercise and one that can take you closer to recognizing and being the best version of yourself.
I speak from my experience.
Whatever your child may exhibit at home or at school, recognize that the fault is not theirs. As parents, teachers, or any adult that is in the sphere of influence, there is an obligation to look inward and ask what you can do to support that child and meet him or her where they are in any moment.
Trauma, single-parent households, dual-earner households and more can all lead to gaps in resilience, learning, and coping. There is so much research around what children need to flourish in these categories but as I have discussed in a podcast and blogs—the U.S. makes parenting difficult and does not foster a system that supports parents or the schools in offering this to children. However, that is no excuse.
The extra time, the extra energy, the request for support must happen. The parents, guardians, teachers, and counselors must all engage in the plan and take ownership for the outcomes.
This is how children grow into wholeness and create a generation that is not afraid of being their authentic selves and approaching others with compassion.
Truly great leadership is compassionate. Being a great human means being compassionate.
Get support from the Happy Life Agenda
My own journey to become my authentic self and find my purpose came from wanting to give more to my daughter and, hopefully, leave the world better than I found it for her future. What goals and visions do you have that could impact your children or grandchildren? If you need support clarifying those goals and paving a path for achievement, schedule a Discovery Consultation.
Get 1:1 support for defining and accomplishing your goals. Remember, life doesn’t happen it to you, it happens for you. To take full advantage, you must engage in each moment with specificity and intention.
