habits that keep you stuck
Why does it seem like life is always about taking three steps forward only to take two steps back? The answer is the pattern of your life.
For me, it was all these habits that I believed were “just part of life” or even habits that I had designed for myself, but I went unconscious in their execution. And so, I just kept repeating the same patterns—that barely moved the needle–over and over and over again.
As I analyzed the patterns of my life, I noticed some habits created subtle ripples in my pattern, while others were a big slap in the face–i.e., I must change these habits if I want to my “big boulder” goals to happen.
And, believe me, I got some goals.
Analyzing Patterns
Each individual forms a pattern across the lifespan and research suggests that by age 35, those patterns are pretty locked in. It generally takes death, disease, or some other “big event,” to create a shift in the pattern or disrupt it all together. These “big events,” will lead you to do an internal check and perhaps ask the question, “What am I doing with my life?”
Sometimes, however; the deep work goes undone and instead of learning from this “event,” you fall back into the same habits. It might look slightly different, but under the microscope, it’s the same. After all, it is easier to do “the same old thing,” rather than actually change.
This is what is keeping you stuck.
Stuck living a life that is passing you by.
Stuck not going on vacation.
Stuck always tired.
Stuck not owning a beach house.
Stuck missing out on quality time with the people you love the most.
You’re grinding–which you believe is what will eventually get you to those goals–but are you grinding on the right things? Or is that same old pattern, playing on repeat, never getting ahead, never having fun, and always feeling exhausted?
How to Make Shedding Old Habits Easier
As I mentioned, this analysis has been a significant wake up call for me.
Unraveling patterns and habits later in life can be a rude awakening for those around you. Depending on the direction that you take it, it might be called a “midlife crisis.” I have certainly be asked that question.
However, it’s not a crisis, it’s an awakening. It is an expansion and it feels different.
You see, in Exodus 3:14, God says, “I am that I am.” And, guess what? You are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27) and when you “use the resources [you] have according to His purposes” (Phillipians 4:19), you will be blessed.
Your habits and patterns are often created through striving and performance–wanting to be something because someone or something on earth will be impressed. Or because you see other with these habits and perceive they are reaping rewards and choose to emmulate. Or, there is the belief that is it by force and someone else is to blame for your chosen habits.
However, when you come back to your true self and the foundations of why you are here (i.e., using your gifts for your purpose), everything becomes important and should be tackled with intention.
To get into the mindset to overcome your habits and patterns, trying speaking to yourself in “I am” phrases. I am worthy. I am valued. I am loved. I am focused. I am energetic. I am healthy, etc. Follow that up with a question, “Why am I healthy?” Because I eat nutritious foods and and move my body with purpose. “Why am I worthy?” Because I was given this gift and I have a mission and purpose to fulfill.
When you practice the belief in who you are and why you do what you do, it draws all the goodness, happiness, energy, and strength God intended for each individual to have.
The Lies You were Told
For years, the world told you hard work is the key to success. Ha! All of that crock was the capitalists and religious leaders trying to keep the majority stuck in a follower mindset because it benefited them. Stay with me— I’m not against capitalism, but it is safe to agree that it has turned about polarizing and therefore ugly and, well, even Jesus criticized religious leaders for their practices (Matthew 23: 1-39 and Matthew 6:1-18, among others).
And now, look at society—it worked.
A few people have all the money (the 1%).
Revenue is all most companies care about.
Everyone hates their job or can’t find a job.
The middle class is shrinking.
Anxiety and depression are rampant.
Abundance is everywhere and, yet, “everyone” is in lack.
Are you living the life you want after working for 20 years, providing for your family, going to church every Sunday. . . You did all the things you’re “supposed to” do, right?
Who says those are “the right” things? The government? Society?
What if you are supposed to be greater than the box the world/people have put you in? What if you know why God put you on this earth and you leverage your gifts and connect with people and live your purpose?
What Happens when You Live with Specificity and Intention
To achieve all of the above, you must live with specificity and intention. Those two things are the antidote to habits and patterns. Why are you doing anything that you do? Have you asked yourself that question?
Why do you watch TV?
Why do you scroll on social media?
Why do you meditate?
Why do you eat fast food?
Why do you work out?
Why do you get drunk every weekend?
Why do you yell at your kids?
I had to confront some of these habits (still confronting many of them) and ask myself, “Why am I doing this?” I think you can assess the “bad habits” for yourself, but I’ll give you some examples of stuff on that list that probably surprised you.
Everyone knows that I love to work out. People tell me, “It’s easy for you because you love it. I could never do that.”
But guess what—it’s only easy because I did the “hard thing” and made it a habit years ago. Yet, over time, I let it become this habit, instead of a specific, intentional thing that adds value to my life.
Believe it or not, in the last 6 months, I was having a harder and harder time motivating myself to work out. My joints were starting to hurt. My muscles felt flimsy. When I asked myself, “Why do I work out?” (I mean, I dedicate a lot of time to it each day), I had to have a hard conversation with myself.
I recognized that when I started working out way back in high school, it was for a purpose: I wanted to run faster to make the softball team. As an adult, I wanted to learn all types of exercises to find what I enjoyed and be able to lift more weight and run faster. As functional exercise became a thing, I wanted to make sure that I could move in all planes of motion for the requirements of daily living that so many people fail to recognize and do, which leads to injury and immobility with age.
Once I had my daughter, I wanted to be able to run, jump and play with her—which BTW, are some of the greatest moments of my life.
As I got caught up in the cycle of grinding at work, checking off “the task” of working out, and believing that I needed hormone therapy and all sorts of other supplements to retain my vitality, everything went south. I was bored. I wasn’t getting results. I was playing into what the world tells you about aging: you will decline. You need to buy stuff to keep going. You need to slow down.
Mass consumerism. Capitalism at its finest. I let my mind believe what everyone was telling me instead of what I knew to be true because I had lived it.
If I defy the odds with my power, no one else makes money. No one is selling me supplements. I don’t need or hormone therapy or peptides (in case you’re wondering, I quit all of this in mid-2024, contact me, if you’re interested in that discussion).
I won’t need an old folks’ home.
I can live a happy, flourishing, healthy life with just my mind and my body—but I must be specific and intentional in what I think and do every. single. moment.
Do you see how even “good habits” can lose their efficacy when you lose specificity and intention?
The same is true for anything you do in life. When you wake up and go to work, do you know why you go to that particular job? If the answer is “to make money,” you and I both know you can make money at any job. If the answer isn’t something like “because I am using my gifts,” or “because I am contributing to a mission I believe in,” then you need to look harder at how you’re making money.
It’s uncomfortable. I get it.
Maybe start with something smaller like, “Why do I watch TV?” or even, “Why don’t I get to spend more time with my kids?” The honest answers to those types of questions will start uncovering a way forward.
On a recent podcast, I discussed conscious leadership and conscious parenting—the same skills applied in two different scenarios. The message of consciousness is clear: be specific and intentional in what you do and do the deep inner work to uncover the why behind it all.
It is often uncomfortable or difficult. But you know what I say, get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
And when you do, the rewards are great.
Get Support on Getting Specific & Intentional
It has taken me more than one year to arrive at these conclusions. The knowing has been there–I have heard it 100 times. I can go back in my journals and see where I listed out the habits I needed to break.
Breaking habits is hard. Deep internal work is essential to unraveling those habits and breaking the patterns. It often doesn’t happen alone. If you want support on your journey, join The Happy Life Agenda! Sign up for the eNewsletter (subscribers get exclusive content!) and subscribe on YouTube. You can also join the conversation on social media–comment, like, follow and share.
You can also sign up for The Clarity Program–a program designed to help you live with greater specificity and intention leading to living the life you love.
